When I was a little boy, my father was a man who fulfilled every real and imaginary need presented by his family. He ensured my mother could stay at home with all eight of us. He drove us to school, helped us with homework, fought a war for us while setting a selfless example for all to follow. There was never a moment he did not give the fullest extent of his love. But, that is fatherhood from a child’s perspective.

While being a father will mean many things to many people, I thought the non-fathers in our lives might like to hear one father’s point of view.

Initially, being a father means having absolutely no concept of what your wife is experiencing as she progresses through the unbelievably mysterious stages of her first pregnancy and birth. Nevertheless, you somehow manage to comfort her with words, hugs and reassurances. Your actions and words, however, seem hollow because you just don’t understand what she is experiencing.

At this stage of fatherhood, your duty is to help her as she picks out colors for the baby’s room, selects the crib, buys clothing and otherwise prepares for the arrival of your child. It also means constantly listening to all of her concerns on a continuous basis. Meanwhile, you repeatedly hug, reassure, compliment and love her more than ever.

Today, being a father means attending the labor and delivery phase—don’t even try to avoid it! Your presence, and tenderness, is required even though you have absolutely no concept of what she is going through. And, a warning: this phase is merely the glimpse of a new beginning, which is beyond your wildest imagination.

The new focus of your entire life will become the betterment of your children. You experience a metamorphosis akin to going from a caterpillar to a butterfly. You won’t care if you don’t drive a new BMW. You won’t care if you don’t buy expensive suits. What you will care about is that your children have toys. What you will care about is that your children have fun. What you will care about is that your children are happy. But, then, this is just the perspective of one butterfly.

Being a father means being constantly exhausted. You will work all day, come home and then give your last bit of energy to spending a few joyous moments with the lights of your life.
One of my favorite times during the day is when I put my children to bed with a story. As I am unable to read stories with my eyes shut, I was compelled to shift to a new tactic. Thus, I began telling incredulous tales of my childhood with my very best imaginary friend, Jimmy O’Flannigan. I tell them of our experiences with magic feathers, aliens, space flights, dragons, ghosts, pirates, black spiders and assorted other characters. I love telling these stories and look forward to as many more storytelling years.

Being a father also means you will throw the ball with your son. You will have laughter-filled, wonderful, family hugs after coming home from work. You will hold your children in your arms while dancing and twirling around and around. You will chase them like a crazed madman while having the time of your life.

Being a father means you will, secretly, cry far more often then you will ever admit. On one occasion, when my 7-year-old son, James, discovered I was going away for three days, he responded by immediately becoming silent, closing his eyes and then sobbing while he plead with me not to go away. How could I not cry in the face of such overwhelming love?

When I took my eldest daughter, Mary, to her first day of school, her teacher told her to go play with her new friends. Mary gently let go of my hand and, without even looking back, ran outside to her new life. She had left me without even a whisper. How could I not cry? Tears of joy. Tears of sadness. Tears of pride. Tears of love. Yes, I cried. Who would not?

Being a father will teach you that you never understood how much your parents loved and sacrificed for you. It will also teach you just how selfish you have been for your entire life. These discoveries will only be made once you have done for your children what your parents have so thanklessly done for you. Now, you will understand that your life has taken a quantum leap forward. Now, you will finally understand what it means to be a father. Now, you will understand that being a father means, quite simply, to boundlessly love your family.

Francis M. Drelling is an attorney and serves as in-house legal counsel for Specialty Restaurants Corporation. He and his wife, Ginnifer, have four children: Mary, 9; James, 7; Elizabeth, 5; and Anne, 3. They reside in Orange.