About 10 years ago I noticed I was having a hard time hearing people, so I had my ears checked. I assumed they’d do a thorough cleaning and find some wax build up and I’d leave with squeaky-clean ears. Instead, I was informed that I had major hearing loss in both ears. “WHAT?” I asked incredulously (which I said partly because I was shocked, and party because I couldn’t hear).

Hearing loss is for old people, isn’t it? I pictured my grandma, who used to come over and watch her soap operas with the volume turned up to 11, so we bought her special remote control headphones. She would sit there, engrossed in her show, knitting away, with giant headphones on-and we wouldn’t hear a thing. Was this my fate?

 Hearing loss is one of those things you can’t fix. The nerves are damaged-what’s done is done. We can never know what caused it. Was it my chronic ear infections as a toddler? Was it my swimming? Scuba diving? Going to my brother’s speed metal concerts and standing next to the speakers? Just a genetic thing? I will never know.

 Luckily for modern technology, there are hearing aids. Teeny tiny ones. So I got some. Well, I bought one, because I couldn’t afford two and wouldn’t you know it, insurance doesn’t cover that. I figured one good ear was enough. I was really nervous to wear it for the first time in public. I felt like everybody could see it. My sister assured me, while standing in line at a coffee shop, that it wasn’t noticeable. I started feeling less self conscious until a very nice octogenarian approached me, a hearing aid in hand and said, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!” UGH!

 Years later, I’ve become used to my hearing loss. But being a parent sure makes things challenging. You’d think I could use this to my advantage. When my 2-year-old starts whining, I can pop out the hearing aid and it’s like hitting the mute button on the remote. If both kids are crying in the car? Out comes the aid again and boom…peace and quiet. And how about nighttime? I clearly have an advantage. If the baby cries, I can do the “cry it out” method and never even know it.

 Sadly, it hasn’t been that easy. I am so paranoid that I won’t hear the baby that I turn up the monitor to the highest level, and therefore my husband and I are up all night hearing the dust move about in the baby’s room.  In order to fall asleep, I use one of those sound machines…for ME! I put it right next to my ear and it helps drown out the monitor. I like the rain sound. It’s really soothing, except I can’t hear it unless it’s turned all the way up. My poor husband. “Do I need to start building an ark?” he asked the other night. “That’s a serious monsoon you’ve got going on over there.”

 And now my toddler is starting to talk. I mean really REALLY talk. And the things they say at this age are priceless. But I am missing it! Luckily I have people around most of the time to translate for me. If not, I just make something up in my head, what I THINK he said, and it makes me laugh. 

Believe me, I am aware that I am very lucky to have my health, and hearing loss is very minor on the big scheme of things. It actually makes life more interesting (and amusing).  It’s kind of like that game “Telephone” we played as kids-but ALL THE TIME. Uh oh, I have to go now, I think the baby might be crying, (or laughing) and my toddler is asking to eat. Or…for his potty seat. Something for his feet? His friend Pete? I think its time for a sign language class.