November 2005
	Teaching Philanthropy OC Woman Baby Guide Letter from the Publisher Family FYI Ask the Experts November Calendar

     Mary Hargrove was a 36-year-old successful manager in an international firm when she became pregnant. She studied business in college and graduated at the top of her class. Mary met her husband Tom at a corporate sponsored event, and she was drawn to his humor and quick wit. Two years later they married. They decided to wait to have a baby until both were well established in their careers and they could afford to buy a home.
     Everything in Mary’s adult life seemed to be moving in the right direction. She had met a great man and her career rewarded her hard work and effort. Mary put 100 percent of herself into everything she did and it seemed to be paying off.
Mary and Tom saved money for over a year and decided that they close enough to their financial goals to begin working towards starting a family. Within six months, Mary was pregnant. She experienced some morning sickness, which subsided by the end of her first trimester. Labor was a bit long, but Mary made it through with Tom by her side.
     Tom and Mary had a beautiful and healthy baby girl. When Mary arrived home from the hospital she was feeling a bit weepy. She attributed her sadness to something called the “baby blues” which she heard was a common and temporary occurrence after delivering a baby. As time went on, instead of getting better, her crying became more frequent and her feelings more intense. During what she thought would be the happiest time of her life, Mary just felt guilty and ashamed. She really wasn’t even sure she wanted to be a mother. When did all of this happen? Why couldn’t she just turn off the crying and be happy?
     At first she tried to hide her sadness from her husband. Tom noticed that Mary wasn’t acting like herself. He spoke with some of the dads at work who told him it was probably due to lack of sleep. Wanting desperately to be supportive, Tom told Mary he would wake up and feed the baby during the night. This meant that Mary, who was nursing, would have to learn how to use a breast pump. She didn’t relish the idea and was therefore resistant to Tom’s offers, telling him that she could handle it and would try sleeping when the baby took her naps.
     One day when Tom came home from work he found Mary huddled in a corner of the bed crying uncontrollably. The baby was asleep and Mary was sobbing. He tried to comfort his wife and yet she told him she just wanted to be left alone. By this time she had managed to pump enough milk to take care of several feedings so Tom said he would take care of the baby.
     Feeling helpless and worried about his wife Tom called Mary’s OB/GYN. This is when they first learned about a condition called Postpartum Depression (PPD). Tom vaguely recalled hearing something in the news recently about a clash between Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields he thought was related to the illness. At this point, he decided to do some research of his own.
     Mothers, who experience postpartum depression, frequently do so in shame and silence. During a time when everyone is supposed to be thrilled with their new “bundle of joy,” mothers who suffer with PPD often feel isolated and alone. The isolation is typically self-imposed as these mothers tend to pull away from family and friends whom they fear will not understand the debilitating nature of a depression that they “have no reason to feel” during what “should be” one of the happiest times of their lives.
     The illness impacts fathers as well. Feelings of helplessness and frustration abound. Fathers want to be supportive, and may do whatever they can to help with both household duties and infant care. I have witnessed many husbands become much more involved with their new babies during this time. Men who may have initially been intimidated at the prospect of caring for a crying infant, feeling that women naturally know how to better handle such a situation, are forced to take a much more active role in the face of PPD. Their support plays a vital role in assisting moms and babies through this very challenging time.
     PPD is different from the ‘Baby Blues,’ which show up as feelings of sadness and typically occur and disappear within the first week or so following delivery. A woman suffering from Postpartum Depression, however, experiences a range of symptoms with a much longer duration. Symptoms may occur up to one year following delivery, or may occur during the last few months of pregnancy, and may include any combination of the following:

The Symptons
• Sadness, Hopelessness, Depression
• Feelings of Guilt, Inadequacy
• Uncontrollable Crying
• Extreme Sensitivity, Irritability
• Fatigue, Exhaustion
• Lack of Interest in the Baby
• Appetite and Sleep Disturbance
• Over Concern for the Baby
• Poor Concentration, Confusion
• Lack of Interest in Sex
• Memory Loss
• Fear of Harming Self or Baby
• Intrusive and Repetitive Thoughts
• Intense Anxiety or Fear
• Rapid Breathing, Fast Heart Rate
• Shaking, Dizziness

     Some women feel more anxious than depressed, and some feel a mixture of both. It is common to develop obsessive thinking, which is indicated by the presence of intrusive thoughts, which are difficult to stop.
     The good news is, PPD is very treatable. Brooke Shield’s personal expose and book Down Came the Rain: My Journey through Postpartum Depression, has helped to bring the condition out of the closet and alleviate the guilt and shame that has been associated with PPD. There are many good books available on the subject. One of my favorites for moms is, This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression, by Kleiman and Raskin. Hit the Ground Crawling, by Greg Bishop, is a tremendous resource for new fathers.
     Men typically thrive on fixing things and can tend to experience feelings of great helplessness dealing with a condition they don’t understand. While there are no quick fixes, here are a few ideas on how dads can help:

Helpful Hints For Dad
• Be Patient - Encourage Her to Talk, Listen without Judgment
• Help Around the House or Arrange for Someone Else to Help
with Chores
• She May Lose Interest in Sex for a Time —Don’t Take it
Personally—Offer Affection Without Pressuring Her for Sex
• Help Set Limits on Visits From Family and Friends
• Encourage Her to Get Out of the House with and without Baby.
• Accept Offers from Reliable Sources to Baby-Sit (This May be
Tough for Her at First, So Be Patiently Persistent)
• Take Care Of Yourself –Spend Some Time Doing Things That
Re-Energize You, Talk to Someone When You are Feeling
Overwhelmed
• Tell Her You Love Her. Women Are Vulnerable After the Birth
of a Child and Can Feel Un-Sexy and Unlovable. They Need to
Know Their Partners Are Not Going To Leave.

The Quicker the illness is diagnosed and treatment begins, the easier
it is to resolve. So, where do you turn for help? The ideal treatment plan includes:
• OB/GYN or M.D. is a Great First Resource (To Rule Out Causes
Like Thyroid Conditions)
• Psychotherapy is Key (To Work Through Issues and Challenges
Which Arise)
• Psychiatric Evaluation (Medication is Sometimes Needed for Up
to One Year After Diagnosis to Help Stabilize the Condition and
Alleviate Symptoms)
• Participation in a PPD Support Group

     Early intervention helps the family stabilize more quickly. Don’t be embarressed to reach out for help. Contact your OB/GYN if you are unsure about your symptoms. Referral to a psychotherapist is a great way to begin recovery. Ask if she has experience in working with PPD. Know that the condition is temporary and with help you can all move through this.
     You may be wondering about Tom and Mary. Mary made an appointment with her OB/GYN who ruled out physical causes. She then was referred to a psychotherapist who helped her identify and work through some underlying personal challenges. Due to the severity for her condition she took anti-depressants for approximately nine months, which helped to stabilize her moods. Mary, Tom and baby Jen are now feeling great and continuing their wonderful journey together.
Jeanne Michele is a psychotherapist specializing in PPD and working with people experiencing relationship challenges. Feel free to contact her with questions: 949-244-3310. www.GrowingEdges.org.

Must-Haves

For Ages 0-Too Big
The Cuddle ‘n’ Cover Towel Apron and Bath Essentials
$35.99 (set)
Attention new moms: baby’s bath time isn’t easy for anyone! First you have to use one hand to hold baby up and with the other hand you do everything else: reach for the washcloth, apply soap to the cloth, wash baby, juggle baby while trying to wash the back of her head…honestly if it were easy, the hospital nurses wouldn’t have to watch us bathe the newborn to make sure everything is under control! I instantly fell in love with The Cuddle ‘n’ Cover Towel Apron and Bath Essentials. It’s a helpful tool at bath time that every new parent could use. It comes with two washcloth gloves (no dropping these!), an “apron” which is multifaceted: with pockets inside that hold all necessary bathing items, it’s a towel for baby. No more reaching afar (or juggling the baby and towel while getting soaked!) just hold baby close to your heart and wrap her up. To top it off, keep her head warm with the terry-cloth towel cap. Now that’s a wrap! *Mom invented

For Ages: 0–Too Big
MOTHER’S Milkmate
$24.99
Momma’s milk is best! No doubt about it. And now, there is a unique system that will help keep mom organized and always ready. Sound too good to be true? It’s not. MOTHER’S Milkmate is a unique store-and-go product for moms that pump. It comes with a storage rack, 10 5-ounce plastic bottles, 10 bottle cap plugs, 10 lids and 10 freezer-grade labels. Each bottle is made of polypropylene—it helps protect the antibodies in momma’s milk by not sticking to the sides of the bottles, ensuring the nutrients make it to baby’s belly. The bottles can be screwed into standard Medala and Ameda breast pumps and when baby is ready to eat, screw a nipple on the storage bottle. MOTHER’S Milkmate can be purchased at www.affordable-medela-pumps.com or visit www.mothersmilkmate.com for more online stores.

For Ages: 0–Too Big
Bela Baby’s Nurse-n-Glow
$39.95
The worst thing for a nursing mom during a midnight feeding is a wide-awake baby that can’t go back to sleep. The option to this: don’t turn on the light. Well I’m not sure how this works for others but I walk into the same hallway wall every day—so lights out is not an option. The Nurse-n-Glow is like a nightlight in a soft-comfy pillow that baby can rest against to keep her properly positioned and her back and shoulders aligned. The fabric is machine washable. Nurse-n-Glow is the perfect solution to nighttime feedings (unless you like the hardwood rocking chairs). Hint: one touch in the middle of the pillow turns light on or off but when turning off the light it takes about 30 seconds—if you push the button again before you see the light go out it will only turn the light back on (I’m so impatient, I did this like five times). www.belababy.com

Making Life Easier

For Ages 0-Too Big
Built NY Baby
$4.99-19.99
Big and bulky is out. Nobody wants the large insulated bags for baby’s bottles—it takes up too much space in that already-overflowing diaper bag. Built NY has a line of practical and fashionable insulated bags that are sleek and unique. Get anything from bottle bags, bibs and totes for the always-on-the-go parent. The bibs have a side Velcro snap, which is perfect for the fidgety child who wants to see why mom’s hands are behind his head—just snap and go! All products can be attached to a stroller or a bike or a very full diaper bag. Made of wetsuit material with an inner layer to keep the product spill proof, they are machine washable and very durable. Can be found at Bed Bath & Beyond, Bloomingdales, Sur La Table and more, or purchase online at www.builtny.com. *Dad invented

Pac & Go
For Ages 0-Too Big
$14.99-24.99
It’s so cute when baby learns to hold her feet and gnaw on her toes. Although she’s like a little rollie-pollie these days, she still isn’t ready to sit up and enjoy all that the outdoors has to offer. At this point a blanket is a park-trip necessity—but what a hassle! With all that you have to bring everywhere you go, do you really want to lug a huge blanket too? I always have items on hand for wherever I end up with my family, and I would have loved to use the Pac & Go blanket for my little ones. It’s compact, super soft, the perfect size for a little weeble-wobble and it has two waterproof pockets where diapers, wipes and lotions can be stored. Machine washable. www.chubbycheeksbabyproducts.com *Mom invented

Neat Nets
All Ages and Stages
$9.95-$10.95
Neat Nets are perfect for the organized and the not-so-organized parents. Throw in diapers, baby socks, toys… it’s for just about anything that needs a place and doesn’t have one (we use the nets for the large Lego’s—it’s wonderful!). These mesh bags are safe for children and much safer for the environment than plastic. Package includes three bags in primary colors. Available at www.parentsofinvention.com and The Right Start.

Frog Kick & Mirror by Tiny Love
Ages 3-12 Months
$19.99
So your little guy’s car seat still faces the rear and you find it nerve racking because you want to see his every movement (while driving safely of course). Well, Tiny Love has come up with a great concept, the Frog Kick & Mirror car entertainment toy. No longer will the passing trees bore your little guy, and at the same time you can keep a cautious eye on him and the road. The colorful and super-fun shaped frog attaches to the headrest of the seat where baby is buckled in. When he pushes his feet on froggy’s toes, fun things happen! And for the nervous and/or concerned parent—the frog’s face is a mirror (which can be adjusted) all you have to do is glance in the rearview mirror to see baby and the road behind you. No more guessing what the fussing is about! Hint: vehicle seat must have detachable headrest. www.tinylove.com

The Snack-Trap
For Ages 1 and up
$4.99
Baggies are nice for those Cheerios but have you ever stopped fast at a stoplight and watched the Cheerios fly from the back to front? Well, whatever the reason for spills, this new product is a great way to help eliminate them. Essentially it’s a cup with handles but it’s the lid that makes this product worthwhile. Basically it has soft plastic flaps that allow little fingers to dip in the cup for their snack—if the cup falls, the food doesn’t fall out. Spill-proof snack cup—take it in the car, on a walk or to the park—making life less hectic for busy parents. Hint: for longer lasting life, do not use in the dishwasher. Available at One Step Ahead and Burlington Coat Factory’s Baby Depot or www.snacktrap.com. *Mom invented

Shower Gifts

Baby Bouquet by Jacquelyn Reve
For Ages 0-Too Big
From $6-18
Make a fun little basket of all natural shampoos, soaps, diaper irritation and massage creams as well as baby eczema & cradle cap oil. The fresh scents will leave baby (and mom) smelling delectable for hours! Choose from two scents: Vanilla & Coriander or Orange & Lavender. May not be practical for families on a strict budget unless baby’s skin is extremely sensitive, and then it is definitely worth it! My favorite is the Vanilla & Coriander creamy baby lotion; I’d buy it just for me! Can be found at All The Rage Baby, Bergstrom’s and more, or purchase online at www.babybouqet.com.

PROUDBODY Pregnancy Belly Cast Kit
For the Prego Mom
$34.99
We’ve seen kits that allow new parents to cast a baby hand or cast a baby foot but what about the belly that baby and her little fingers and toes made a little home in? Apparently, pregnancy belly casting is the newest fad for new moms. The kit comes with a plastic drop cloth, Vaseline, rubber gloves, five rolls of 4-inch x 5-yards of quick dry Plaster of Paris bandages and a sanding screen (paints are not included). Now mom too can make and everlasting impression. Exclusively sold at Burlington Coat’s Baby Depot. www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com

Lullaby CD Player & Projector by Disney
Ages: 0-Too Big
$59.99
I love Pooh and his CD player too! If you have ever figured out a reason to buy something you want but don’t need—you’ll want to do it again! I am ecstatic about this product (I want one). This CD player will calm your child as you play classical music (or you can play Grateful Dead for you and trip out). Capture every family member’s attention when you see the fun little images of Pooh and his friends displayed on the ceiling. The CD player lid has a built in night light and you can play nature sounds as well! If you can’t afford it—put it on your registry! Exclusively sold at Toys R Us. www.toysrus.com

Fashion Trends

Shanghai Mommy Bag
Perfect for All Ages and Stages
$49.99
Not every mom likes a diaper bag and not all backpacks have the compartments one needs. The Shanghai bag is really cute, and it gives mom the option of using a diaper bag or a backpack. Mom chooses her style and she’ll go in-style with these bags! With many colors to choose from, my two favorites are the lime green and hot pink. Included with the bag is a matching diaper-changing pad that has waterproof lining. Plenty of concealable compartments which helps mom to not look like she comes in bulk. Hint: due to the material (washable silk-rayon exterior with a nylon interior), the bag has a strong odor at first. Air out a day or two before use. Sold exclusively at Burlington Coat Factory’s Baby Depot. www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com

ROBeez
Ages 0-4 Years
$25.99
ROBeez baby shoes are taking the nation by storm—from the UK to the US. It was proven when I noticed our Parenting Expo-goers and Cutest Baby Cover Contest participants wearing some of the cutest ROBeez I had ever seen! These leather baby shoes are durable (even for the rough and tumble types) and practical as well as fashionable. Choose from a variety of styles for both girls and boys. My favorite is the “Booties,” they almost look like little Uggs. These shoes are perfect for hardwood floors and are skid resistant (for tile and/or linoleum). ROBeez are okay for outside use for small children that do not walk. But for longer lasting care with walking toddlers, limit outside use. Machine washable. Hint: dry only part way in the dryer then let the shoes air-dry. Find them at Stride-Rite or online at www.robeez.com.

Walk & Talk

For Ages 6 Weeks –8 Years (or Up to 75 lbs.)
Baby Jogger—City Series
$349
Last year’s baby jogger and all those before it have nothing on this City Series! For every person who has used a jogger or seen one used—the lasting memory of lifting the front wheels as the kid’s head is slammed back just so mom (or dad) could make a turn—is probably reason enough not to get a jogger. Until now, the City Series has a swivel option for the front wheel and it is so smooth! Take a walk on the pier or to the supermarket and there is no struggling through the aisles or around people. The City Series can fit through standard doorways and folds up with just one hand! It comes with a 5-point safety harness system; extra lock on wheels and the City Series is the only jogger that is designed for walking. It has a fully reclining seat for that little guy to sleep, and believe me, in this stroller, he can! May sound expensive at first but if you think about the longevity of this stroller it more than pays for itself after just two years. Hint: use neck support for infants. www.babyjogger.com.

Baby Chatterbox
Ages 3-36 Months
$19.99
Who’s funnier? Dad as he intently stares at baby and repeats, “Dada,” or mom who fervently competes with dad, hoping for baby to call her first? With the tools so readily available children are learning to communicate earlier and earlier. Baby Chatterbox is a 30-minute video that helps speed up the learning curve by presenting words baby is most likely to hear at home. Each word is presented by use of props, a close up of the narrator’s mouth and fun bright colors accompanied by energizing background music during one-minute segments. Before you know it, you’ll be asking your little chatterbox to quiet down! www.babychatterbox.com. *Parent/teacher/speech pathologist invented.